A TED-inspired talk about transitioning at work

I took on the challenge of writing and delivering a TED-inspired talk at my former employer when I noticed that they were looking for speakers at their professional development day. It was entitled "Teaching in Two Genders: Lessons from a Polytechnic’s First Trans Instructor" and had a Q&A afterwards.

I tried to capture video of it, but even after I set up two cameras to capture the moment, one conked out within the first few minutes, and the second wasn’t at a great angle (there were two lights above the screen). Fortunately, my backup plan was a microphone pinned to my dress shirt, connected to a smartphone strapped to my back. 

I used the audio to narrate the slideshow and posted it to YouTube so you can imagine that you were in the room! Like many TED talks, it has a dramatic black screen start, insightful video, a Venn diagram, and an action summary. If you prefer poorly lit video of me from two camera angles, here's your version.

See below for a summary of the Q&A that followed in person and via email, and the text of the talk here.

Q&A from Teaching in Two Genders: Lessons from a Polytechnic’s First Trans Instructor

Q1: How can I support students across the gender spectrum inside and outside the classroom?

A: It all starts with making it clear that your classroom and program are safe spaces, where discrimination and bullying of any kind won’t be tolerated. We often assume that they’ll get this message during orientation, but a surprising number do not pay attention or take it seriously. Begin by emphasizing in your introductory messaging that you and your program support everyone, regardless of their gender identity, ensuring that their names and pronouns are respected.

Learning, applying, and promoting the Platinum Rule is also important. Ask them how they would like to be addressed and what would help them feel supported. Don’t assume anything based on your own experience (the Golden Rule). I don’t speak for anyone but myself and don’t know what others need to feel supported.

See question 3, below, for more about pronouns, question 7 for allyship, and question 8 about names.

Q2: I struggle standing up to senior faculty who voice their differing opinions on gender diversity. Any suggestions on how to speak up in meetings and interactions?

A: It can be tricky when you’ve recently started a position and don’t feel comfortable rocking the boat so soon in your tenure. Speaking up in meetings rarely ends well when people are put on the spot and become defensive. It’s often better to find a moment to talk to someone privately so that they aren’t put on the spot and become defensive. It’s the difference between “calling in” vs “calling out.”

Explain why respecting gender diversity is important to you personally. Some haven’t had the significance of mutual respect explained to them and may take it to heart.

If differing opinions on diversity become an issue in meetings, it’s important for a manager to get involved and spell out the organization’s policies, WorkSafeBC employer requirements, and the BC Human Rights Code.

Unfortunately, some people who won’t respect others’ gender are fixed in their beliefs and incapable of seeing the bigger picture. They don’t respect any perspective other than their own (e.g., Jordan Peterson and J.K. Rowling). The most we can do about disrespect in the workplace is document their harmful practices and pursue disciplinary proceedings.

Q3: Do you have any suggestions on how to make learners more comfortable sharing their pronouns on the first day?

A: When instructors provide their pronouns on the first day and hope that learners will do the same, many may feel uncomfortable because they don't know their instructors or classmates. I think the best way to approach this is to inform learners in advance, through orientation materials, that they should plan to share their pronouns on the first day—so they can come prepared. 

On the day, ask everyone to introduce themselves with their name and pronouns. If someone leaves them out, say something like (while taking notes), "...and your pronouns?" This way, it's clear that you care about them and want to note both their name and pronouns.

If you have time, it's even better to explain why pronouns are important in your classroom (e.g., examples of how they're used in your activities).

Q4: What can postsecondary institutions do to better support trans faculty, staff, and students?

A: The first step is for an institution needs to make it clear in big print that trans faculty, staff, and students are valued members of the community and that it will do everything possible to support them and assist others in the community to support them as well.

The second step is to have mandatory training on gender diversity at all levels. It should not be optional; it is mandatory. Additionally, it’s important to communicate that disrespectful behaviour will not be tolerated. While you cannot force acceptance, you can require respect, and it helps to give examples where someone faced consequences for inappropriate behaviour.

The third point is to make changing their name as straightforward as possible. Even better, to offer help changing their legal name if needed. While there may be legal requirements for legal names to appear on transcripts or student IDs, they don’t need to be in the classroom or hallways if they don’t reflect someone’s identity. It should be simple for everyone to provide their current, non-legal name if they have one.

Instructors should understand that it is unacceptable to use a deadname, even if it appears due to a mistake or inadequate institutional policies and planning, on an attendance sheet. They risk, at the very least, a reprimand if they don’t ask students for their name in class and only use that name.

Student IDs often come out in large classes when instructors give exams and don’t know their students. Allowing a current name to appear on a student ID would mean so much to many trans students who haven’t yet changed their legal names. If providing IDs with their current name is treated as an exception and requires speaking with someone in student records or providing documentation, the risk of fraud should be minimal.

The same goes for pronouns. Everyone should have a place to enter their pronouns so they appear online and in class lists. The more we make giving pronouns a habit, the easier it will be for everyone.

The fourth point is to clarify that washrooms and changerooms are safe spaces, regardless of appearance. Gender policing shouldn’t be tolerated. When someone requests a locker in a locker room that is not designated as all-gender, the next question should be, “Which one would you like one in?” Avoid making assumptions based on appearance. Address any conflicts that arise with respect, with the understanding that anyone who feels unsafe around someone due to their appearance should use single-user facilities, not the other way around.

If conflicts arise frequently, apply for funding to replace the gendered facilities.

Q5: What are the things your partner did well to support you? What are some things a partner could do better to support their transitioning partner?

A: Sarah began using my new name and pronouns instantly, with only a few slipups. And she felt terrible when she made a mistake. She didn’t make a big deal about the change or the mistakes, because we’re human, and using correct names and pronouns should be part of our culture. Older men in our lives had the most trouble, so if you find yourself in the same situation, be prepared to support them.

She also helped ease my introduction to her friends and family. I gave her a draft introduction, and she tailored it for her contacts. Her message was, “I really need everyone’s support right now and it would break my heart if anyone thought less of Allison or me because of this.” It was perfect, and she didn’t lose any friends or family. They respected her choice to stay with me and support me over any losses she might face.

She helped me shop for clothes, as in she was there to make sure I felt comfortable at a time that I wasn’t completely comfortable shopping in the women’s section of the store. It sounds strange now to think that anyone would feel uncomfortable in gendered sections of stores, but it’s a thing when you’re so conditioned and sensitive to criticism.

Above all, she was there when I needed and didn’t put up any barriers or write any new rules. Our relationship and social life continued as they had for the previous thirty years. We continued going out to dinner, to movies, and to parties.

What could she have done better? She’s always worn clothes on the comfortable end of the spectrum, and the rare skirt or dress was always below the knee. If she wore makeup, it was subtle. It was a bit of a shock when I discovered I liked tights, skinny jeans, beach coverups above the knee, and lipstick a shade darker than hers, but we shopped for those together, and although there was a little resistance, she realized that I needed to be comfortable with my choices even if they weren’t the ones she would make for herself.

That resistance stung at a time when I was still rebuilding my confidence, so the more you can relax about things as inconsequential as appearance, the easier it will be for them to transition.

Q6: How do we ensure the voices of transgender people are reflected in the stories we share in and outside of an organization?

A: That’s a tough one! I’m the first trans community member that I know of who came out in a public way, and I wasn’t comfortable doing that until after I decided to take a break from teaching to write and began collecting my pension. Before then, I wanted to be known simply as a female employee with a medical history. I was out as a lesbian in a long-term partnership when I told stories about family medical history in class, but I never raised the point of having a trans history. I didn’t identify as trans. It described my medical history, but I wasn’t ready to discuss that part of my life.

There may be more faculty, staff, and students willing to come out and have their stories told, and undoubtedly more will come out as time goes on and there’s more acceptance. It’s not fun to be “othered” when you want to simply be one of the team or crowd. It’s not OK to approach someone you’ve heard is trans, or think is trans and ask them if they’d like to say more publicly.

The only ethical ways to find trans stories are to search public media and to put out calls for people to come forward.

Q7: Are there any clear indications of allyship you have appreciated seeing/hearing from people? What things can people do to ensure a trans person feels safe?

A: I’m not very good at volunteering my own pronouns. It’s complicated. So, I appreciate it when allies provide and request pronouns for everyone. One risk is that an ally might only share and ask for pronouns when they think someone could be trans or nonbinary, so it’s best to do it for everyone you meet for the first time.

As I mentioned in the previous question, it’s not fun to be “othered.” The clearest and most comforting signs of allyship are the silent, visible ones, like wearing pride pins, having colourful hair, asymmetrical haircuts, or anything that answers “yes” to the question, “Does this make me look gay?” In conversation, avoid heteronormative and cisnormative terms like “wife” and “husband.” Instead, reach for the non-gendered equivalents, like person, partner, folks, sibling, chairperson, server, performer, etc.

Attend a "Be More Than a Bystander" training event and learn to speak up when you see any disrespect or harassment.

Fly a pride flag year-round (literally and figuratively)!

Q8: We often have to deal with legal names and need to verify their legal name with them. How should we navigate things like verifying this information?

Is it alright to acknowledge the legal name as just a technicality of the process? Of course, we make every effort to use the name the student wants to go by when actually addressing them.

A: The name, legal name, and deadname issues are an unavoidable part of transitioning. As I mentioned, avoid the term “preferred” when referring to names, pronouns, or sexuality. Using “preferred” implies that they’re okay with another option when it’s often not the case. There’s no need to qualify the terms.

Seeing and hearing a legal name or deadname can be triggering for trans people like me, and encountering it in person is the worst. So, if possible, apply the platinum rule and ask them how they’d like to handle verification. Some may be okay discussing it in person, while others would prefer to address it silently (e.g., show an ID or manage it in print instead of verbally). If at all possible, avoid using a legal name or deadname. Try something like, “I see that your name is different from the name we have on file. We need to verify it for your application. Do you have any old ID you can show me, or would you prefer to verify it online?”

When you encounter a deadname (name assigned at birth), and they have a new legal name, offer to replace it with their current name. They’ll appreciate having one less opportunity to be deadnamed! It should be simple enough to write code to compare name, legal name, and organization email address to flag accounts for follow-up personally or with an automated system.

I visited a medical clinic that had both my new legal name and deadname (my appointment was in my new legal name, and somehow my deadname was still in the Vancouver Coastal Health system), and the office assistant asked me if I wanted the doctor to use my deadname. Anyone listening in the waiting room heard my deadname, and I was mortified. Privacy should have been the default. I’m glad she asked, so I could follow up with VCH administration, but I wish that she had turned her screen around or found another way to avoid saying it out loud in the waiting room.

Often, institutional “rules” aren’t legal requirements and should be questioned and changed when they’re harmful.

Here’s a good resource for institutions (from Michigan State University).

Q9: What did we do well to support you through your transition and as a trans instructor? What did we not do well to support you through your transition and as a trans instructor? What advice would you give us to be more supportive next time?

A: Honestly, this organization didn’t support me in my transition or as a trans instructor. It was the curse of being the first (that I know of) in a conservative institution. Large public institutions are slow to change. Employees feel disempowered in the union/management dynamic. I get it. The institute needs to look around and ask how other institutions support the transitions of their faculty, staff, and students. If they do it better, you should strive to do it better than them, and if they’re worse, you should offer to help them improve. It might take some battles with the provincial and legal systems, but it’s important to fight that fight.

What could have gone better?

When I changed my name, I had to call several places, and multiple times, to get it changed in all of the disconnected systems. I was deadnamed when a piece of standalone software called up my old name and attached it to a student disability accommodation request. It would have made it so much easier to issue a new employee ID in my new name, but HR said that it would have been too hard to copy my start date over. “Imagine if every woman who got married asked for a new employee ID,” I was told. It was clear that I hadn’t just been married, but experienced what felt like transphobia and misogyny—transmisogyny.

When we had to spend tens of thousands of dollars on gender-affirming care, where were the employee health benefits to cover at least some of the costs? TD Bank has been offering gender-affirming care benefits since 2008. Universities in BC have been slower to add this coverage.

When I went to rent a locker at the gym to change my clothes after cycling in, I heard, “Let me see if I can find a guy to show you the men’s locker room.” What better way to tell someone who's recently transitioned that they’re failing miserably? I left feeling like an ugly monster. Fortunately, I went back to my office, combed out my helmet hair, and found an ally in the office across the hall who offered to walk me through the women’s locker room.

See question 4, point 4, above for a better way to handle it.

When I had to take some leave for surgery, the default was to place me into the disability benefits system, which required doctor’s notes and a committee to assess my ability to return to work. “Medieval” is the word that comes to mind. No one offered to create a better arrangement. I had to review the collective agreement and find a way to avoid the unnecessary intrusion into my private life and medical recovery. I was an instructor and chair of the research ethics board. As long as I could use my laptop and attend scheduled classes, I was fine. Maybe not comfortable, but fine.

Would I have appreciated a more humane, tailored approach to my situation? Yes. I returned sooner than I would have liked to avoid the “disability” system, and I took more painkillers than I otherwise would have.

I discovered after going on leave that a colleague was disrespectful towards me in front of our students. Perhaps it was the shock of my transition, but in a better world, transitioning and respect would be integral parts of employee orientation and required training. As I mentioned, some colleagues thought I was a cross-dresser or drag queen and didn’t keep their biases to themselves.

Required training in respectful workplaces should go beyond harassment to include education on gender diversity and transitioning in the workplace.

Q10: How do gender biases and traditional gender roles affect the trans community? What can we do to support them in new careers?

A: Where possible, create opportunities for individuals from minority groups. If you know a trans person or a woman in the trades, consider hiring them. When you get bids from contractors for a job, ask them if they have any trans people or women on their crew. Make them aware of its significance. When businesses recognize the financial incentive, they’ll be more inclined to fund training and recruit those unique candidates out there.

Encourage students to join networking and support groups for those in minority groups, like women and 2SLGBTQIA+ people in the trades. My partner ran her own gardening business, and if it hadn’t been for women hiring her, she wouldn’t have had enough work to make it profitable.

Activism is the most important thing you can do in the long term. If you see anything that needs to change, do what you can to make it change. In the case of supporting trans people in the workplace, work to make the workplaces of the future more inclusive, and fight against current forms of harassment and bullying. Some say that those going into the trades need to get thicker skin and that if they go to the boss or HR, it will only get worse. That’s shortsighted. Bystanders and those who are harassed need to stand up to the bullies and harassers, or it will never improve.

Q11: How can we avoid deadnaming graduates and others when approaching them years later?

A: If they can’t do it already in the system, the institute needs to create a community member update portal where graduates and former employees can go to update their contact information, like email, name, and pronouns, so that everyone will be addressed respectfully. It will be even more important to have a way to update contact info when email accounts are deactivated after eighteen months.

See the point on activism in question 10 above.